Stories of young couples adopting little baby girls from China are plentiful. Childless couples start their families and abandoned babies land in loving arms. Happy tales, to be sure!
Every so often, though, the characters change. The adopted children are no longer sweet-faced infants. They are school-aged orphans whose resilience and inner strength have kept them going in an otherwise disappointing life. The adoptive parents have morphed from dreamy and hopeful young couples to "old, used models." They are mothers and fathers who have been through the ups and downs of parenthood before and are still optimistic enough to sign up for another tour. They all made plenty of mistakes the first time around. They were left with the knowledge gleaned from their success and set-backs, but had no place to put it to use. They honed their parenting skills on one set of kids and are now committed to putting all that experience back into play by bringing older orphans into their families. These are the staunch members of the Do-Over Club!
Steve and Carol Forslind of Nashua, New Hampshire is one such couple. Between them, they had raised eight grown children. When one of Carol's sons was adopting a baby from China, Steve and Carol were a little envious. Here they were with all this expertise and no more children to benefit from it. They didn't take long to decide on a plan of action. Carol accompanied her son to China and came home with 4-year-old Victoria. That was back in 1995. Since then, Carol and Steve have added 4 more daughters and one son to the Forslind family. The kids were each between 4 and thirteen at adoption. "It was never easy," Carol recalls. "But, hey, that's life. It's not supposed to be easy."
Mary and Dennis House of Des Plaines, Illinois were empty-nesters. Their daughter was married and their son was a US Marine. Their time was their own and they could travel and relax. They were done with flashcards and homework and adolescent crises. They no longer had to share their cars or the remote. Life was great - for a while. The truth was Mary and Dennis LIKED all that hullabaloo. They missed the excitement and surprises of a family with kids in the house. One thing led to another and the Houses adopted Michael and Maria, ages 10 and 8, from China. Now the House family is right back where they want to be, in the thick of homework, music lessons and family vacations. "We are so lucky!" they exclaim. We get to live the best part of our lives twice!"
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Bob and Mary Ann Ogilvie is another Do-Over couple. They had six grown daughters when they heard the insistent call of adoption. They went to a Saturday morning information meeting at Children's Hope International where they met Mary House and, via the power of the internet, their soon-to-be-son, David Mei. David was 8 years old and had lived in his Mongolian orphanage since infancy. He had undergone heart surgery at 4 years old and was now a healthy young fellow. Bob and Mary Ann jumped at the chance to bring David home. David now goes to public school in Schaumburg, Illinois. Bob has retired to become "Mr. Mom." The Ogilvies are as close as possible to their version of happily ever after.
Children's Hope China Travel Coordinator Karolyn Tucker estimates that about 6% of the kids coming home from China are over 4 years of age. China sets the upper age limit at 14. Most of these older kids come home to join families already in process; they are seldom the first child in the home. Most of the adoptive parents know that it will take a little time for these kids to find their place in the family and are willing to help them get comfortable. Are there problems? "Oh sure," Carol agrees. "Whose kids have no problems?" We had no answer for Dennis when he asked, "What better problem can there be?"
China has recently settled on 50 as the age limit for adoptive parents, but that still leaves lots of room for new Do-Over members. Maybe you'd like to join the club! |
