Emerging Curiosities
Matchmaking parents
By Darren Tayler

　Beth Fang wasn't really enthusiastic about meeting the middle-aged Shanghainese American that her mother was setting up for her. Her mother had met the man's father at the Xiang Qin corner held every Saturday after one pm at Peoples Park. Her mother's efforts produced two months of phone calls resulting in a failed date. The main point of this process was to find if Beth was frugal enough, pretty enough, and willing to earn her own income.
　The phrase Xiang Qin means marriage interview. Traditionally, Chinese parents have avoided the perils of young males and females seeking out each other, with the attended dangers of fooling around and falling in love with a mate who was too poor, from the wrong town/province or too unattractive.
　A matchmaker has always provided the service of finding a prospective husband or wife. Nowadays, however, in China's major cities, old traditions are re-emerging and having to adapt with the now dominant consumer culture.

How it works
　The Xiang Qin corner is, sensibly, not a corner at all. It is usually a park, and sometimes a plaza. Peoples Park, in the center of Shanghai, is one of the city's biggest. First thing you need to do is have your flier ready. It should have all relevant information for your son or daughter, like, How much does she makeMeasurements Hot Tall Where did she graduate from? Foreign company or domestic Any glorious chances to go abroad? Shanghainese or an outsider
　Then you need to find somewhere with good visibility to post up your kid's marriage resume. On a tree facing the walkway is good. Make sure it's at eyesight.
　Then, if you prefer, you can hang out around your flier, in case any other parents want to make further inquiries, or, even better, take a stroll around the park. Look over the fliers carefully to see if anyone is good enough for your little champion. If you see any prospects, write down the number listed on the flier and call it when you get home.

Why do they tolerate it?
　Allowing one's parents to select one's spouse seems a little bit overbearing. When asked, most young Chinese express unequivocal opposition to the idea. But in large cities, Xiang Qin corners are drawing large crowds of condescending and overprotective parents. The children disagree, but go along with it anyways.
　So why would anyone put up with mom or dad picking out the person to share their bed, money and all the rest? With the still common myth of rigidly collectivist Asian culture, you might think there's social pressure. In the past, it might have been. Now, that's all gone. The new social pressure is all about getting rich.
　The reason that Chinese youngsters allow themselves to be led into a shrewdly calculated marriage brokered by mom and dad is quite simple: they are use to having their parents handle everything. Ask the average educated Chinese person in their twenties and thirties, "Why did you choose your major?" or "Why are you employed in your particular field?" and the answer you are likely to get is "My parents."
　For years now it has been said that Chinese kids, because of the One Child Policy, have turned into ‘little emperors.' This cliché is repeated too much, but it's true. It is probably because of this that Chinese kids don't get excited about going off to college. Instead, they often dread living alone. Most Chinese under 50 will readily admit to missing their mother deeply.
　There are exceptions, like Beth. Her motivation for going through with the interview/courtship process was more about a sense of obligation to and concern for her parents. Regardless of whether or not meeting guys through the Xiang Qin corner, it will make her mom feel useful.
　Generally, though, excessive dependence on parents is another reason for acquiescing to one's parents marriage choices. Another is the consistently stringent requirements on a prospective fiancée. In Shanghai, the average educated young man needs to show his girl's mother that he has purchased an apartment of adequate location and quality, that his family is not too poor, that he is Shanghainese, and that he's a proven earner with high potential for the future.

Why The Park?
　Before, and still in many places throughout the PRC, matchmakers are trusted to hook you up with a life partner. And with a matchmaker, you can go yourself. You don't have to let your parents control everything.
　Matchmakers are suffering from the new dominance of the market economy. People want to save money and time. The Xiang Qin corner is generally free. Also, it cuts out the middle man; that is, the matchmaker. Parents talk to each other with great efficiency.
　The average twenty to thirty year old has a set of requirements more personal and less quantitative than their parents. While parents raise their blood pressure to unhealthy levels worrying over their thirty year old daughters failure to find that one good man, the daughter herself is likely to feel only that she has not found her right man yet, and that there is still time plenty of time to wait. Chinese girls now, especially urban ones, are more and more concerned with their own careers, and less concerned with having a husband to take care of them. They are also much less concerned with having children at the earliest opportunity. Kids are expensive, and being a housewife is not very highly regarded by today's Chinese woman.
　A perfect example of this contrast is the aforementioned Beth. She works as a client relations manager at a foreign financial institution in Shanghai and describes her career as a shooting rocket. Her anxious mother was not dissuaded at all by the failed and rather callous suitor she found on her first try. Every weekend, she still makes the rounds of various Xiang Qin corners. It's not just because of her ongoing faith in the possibility of getting her daughter married off. It's also a matter of habit. She is used to doing anything and everything for her daughter. Her daughter may be self sufficient, but it's just too hard to find something else to put herself into anything else.