Two summers ago, the Our Chinese Daughters Foundation expanded its parameters to make room for me and my fifteen-year-old Chinese son. Michael was adopted with his sister Maria through Children’s Hope International in 1999. They are biological siblings and were 10 and 8 years old when they came to us. Michael and Maria had lived in the orphanage for about 7 years. While neither my husband nor my daughter cared to return to China that year, Michael and I were up for the adventure.
　　I had heard OCDF Director Jane Liedtke speak at a gathering in Chicago and was convinced that OCDF’s Reunion Tour was best for us. I was especially impressed with Jane’s emphasis on preparing children for a return to their old home. “You have to have many conversations before you travel,” she said. “Listen to how your child feels about returning to China. Let your children tell you what they think about visiting their old orphanage. Explore your child’s expectations of the return trip.” Well Jane hadn’t met Michael. He was never much for conversation. The most I could get out of him was that he “didn’t care” if we went back to the orphanage, but, if we did, it would be nice if he could see his boyhood friend Zhong Wei. We were going and that was pretty much all there was to say about it.
　　Excitement smoldered as we started to pack. We purchased a slick looking watch for Michael’s one friend who remained in the orphanage. Michael discouraged me from buying a gift to bring to the orphanage director, but I did it anyway. He had no fond memories of this illustrious lady, but gifts all around were politically correct.
　　Our visit to the historical sites in China was a huge success. Michael was thrilled to stand in the Forbidden City and to walk on the Great Wall. He grinned ear-to-ear as we flew kites in Tiananmen Square. We slept on the overnight train from Beijing to Xian and took lots of pictures of the terra cotta soldiers. We petted the panda at Chengdu. We bought bootleg videos on the streets of Wuhan. The food was a great treat to Michael because it was the taste of his childhood. Most of his limited numbers of good memories of China were associated with food. Even though he had lost most of his original language skills, Michael was an ace at bargaining in the market places. He was pretty proud of all the money he saved me on souvenirs! He bought himself a couple of big swords - boys are the same throughout the world you know. He spent some of his savings on a Chinese chess set so that he could have a match with his old orphanage friend, Zhong Wei.
　　After about ten days of touring, we rode four hours in a mini-van with our driver and our interpreter, Pony Hu. We arrived in Jingzhou at dusk and Pony called the orphanage director to let her know we were at the hotel. Even though the director was expecting us, our orphanage visit got off to a shaky start. The director came to our hotel late that first evening. She told us in no uncertain terms that we would not be allowed to see Zhong Wei during our visit. Her reasons for this kept changing as we talked, but her resolve was constant. Even though we were seriously disappointed, we knew that we would only make things worse by arguing with her. Our interpreter, Pony Hu, was most helpful in this late-night negotiation.
　　The next morning, Michael and I were both kind of down. We felt unwelcome at the orphanage and were sad that we would not be able to see Zhong Wei. We packed the game to leave for the other kids and Michael stuffed Zhong Wei’s watch in his jeans pocket. I told him to take it along. “If you get a chance, you’ll be ready to give it to him,” I said. But neither of us held a lot of hope.
　　We drove to the orphanage without saying much. When we arrived, Michael was greeted like the prince that he is. The director took us around the grounds and had a number of older girls stand with Michael for pictures. She showed us several photos of Michael and Maria when they lived at the orphanage and I was able to photograph these. She treated us to a big sack of lychees and was a charming all-around hostess. She even invited us to dinner at her home. This invitation was a mind-boggling surprise for my former orphan. But when I asked about Zhong Wei, the director said that he was at day-camp and would not have time to see us.
　　 As we were leaving the orphanage to go to a formal luncheon, our guide Pony suddenly called out “Michael, run!” She had spotted Zhong Wei on the other side of the street. She and Michael were at his side before any of the rest of us knew what happened. Pony was talking a mile a minute in two languages. “Zhong Wei, here is your old friend Zhong Da who has come to see you from the United States. What do you want to say to him?” “Michael, give him the watch!” “Zhong Wei, Zhong Da has a gift for you. It’s a watch. Take it quick!” I was able to greet Zhong Wei and take a couple of photos of the boys before Madame Director reached us. As I stroked his cheek, Zhong Wei was able to whisper “Xie xie, mama.” The director was quick to put a stop to Pony’s intervention. “No talking! No translation! It is not possible!” She pushed Zhong Wei across the street back toward the orphanage and we proceeded to lunch without further comment.*
　　The rest of the day was a pleasant time of visiting places where the kids were taken on outings, seeing Michael’s old school and meeting one teacher, and seeing the spot where the kids were found before beginning orphanage life. We all wound up for dinner at the director’s home.
　　It was about 9:00 pm by the time we were on our way back to the hotel. I asked Michael if it had been a good day for him. “Very,” was his terse reply. “C’mon, tell me something,” I said. “What was good about it?” “It was just the right time for me,” he said. “If I was younger, I wouldn’t have appreciated it. And if I was older, it would have been too late and I would have already ruined my life. But this was just right. Now I can be proud of China and I can be proud of who I am.” Oof! Those were a lot of words for this particular boy. But those were exactly the words we came to China to hear.

　　He was pretty proud of all the money he saved me on souvenirs! He bought himself a couple of big swords - boys are the same throughout the world you know. He spent some of his savings on a Chinese chess set so that he could have a match with his old orphanage friend, Zhong Wei.
　　After about ten days of touring, we rode four hours in a mini-van with our driver and our interpreter, Pony Hu. We arrived in Jingzhou at dusk and Pony called the orphanage director to let her know we were at the hotel. Even though the director was expecting us, our orphanage visit got off to a shaky start. The director came to our hotel late that first evening. She told us in no uncertain terms that we would not be allowed to see Zhong Wei during our visit. Her reasons for this kept changing as we talked, but her resolve was constant. Even though we were seriously disappointed, we knew that we would only make things worse by arguing with her. Our interpreter, Pony Hu, was most helpful in this late-night negotiation.
　　The next morning, Michael and I were both kind of down. We felt unwelcome at the orphanage and were sad that we would not be able to see Zhong Wei. We packed the game to leave for the other kids and Michael stuffed Zhong Wei’s watch in his jeans pocket. I told him to take it along. “If you get a chance, you’ll be ready to give it to him,” I said. But neither of us held a lot of hope.
　　We drove to the orphanage without saying much. When we arrived, Michael was greeted like the prince that he is. The director took us around the grounds and had a number of older girls stand with Michael for pictures. She showed us several photos of Michael and Maria when they lived at the orphanage and I was able to photograph these. She treated us to a big sack of lychees and was a charming all-around hostess. She even invited us to dinner at her home. This invitation was a mind-boggling surprise for my former orphan. But when I asked about Zhong Wei, the director said that he was at day-camp and would not have time to see us.
　　As we were leaving the orphanage to go to a formal luncheon, our guide Pony suddenly called out “Michael, run!” She had spotted Zhong Wei on the other side of the street. She and Michael were at his side before any of the rest of us knew what happened. Pony was talking a mile a minute in two languages. “Zhong Wei, here is your old friend Zhong Da who has come to see you from the United States. What do you want to say to him?” “Michael, give him the watch!” “Zhong Wei, Zhong Da has a gift for you. It’s a watch. Take it quick!” I was able to greet Zhong Wei and take a couple of photos of the boys before Madame Director reached us. As I stroked his cheek, Zhong Wei was able to whisper “Xie xie, mama.” The director was quick to put a stop to Pony’s intervention. “No talking! No translation! It is not possible!” She pushed Zhong Wei across the street back toward the orphanage and we proceeded to lunch without further comment.*
　　The rest of the day was a pleasant time of visiting places where the kids were taken on outings, seeing Michael’s old school and meeting one teacher, and seeing the spot where the kids were found before beginning orphanage life. We all wound up for dinner at the director’s home.
　　It was about 9:00 pm by the time we were on our way back to the hotel. I asked Michael if it had been a good day for him. “Very,” was his terse reply. “C’mon, tell me something,” I said. “What was good about it?” “It was just the right time for me,” he said. “If I was younger, I wouldn’t have appreciated it. And if I was older, it would have been too late and I would have already ruined my life. But this was just right. Now I can be proud of China and I can be proud of who I am.” Oof! Those were a lot of words for this particular boy. But those were exactly the words we came to China to hear.